Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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