is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
