Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
