I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
