I puked a lego.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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