Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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