Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
