fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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