I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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