1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
