"it" just moved
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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