Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
