So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
