WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
