hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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