We're like a lot better than the average bears
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
