I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
