ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
