I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
