I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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