Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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