Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
