how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
