I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
