The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
please come you make the beer taste better
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
