Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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