You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
