I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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