Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
