You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
