Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
And then he peed in my hair
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
