perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this will be a night to untag.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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