Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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