girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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