You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
