i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
