I'm going to jail i love you
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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