Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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