My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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