just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
