He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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