i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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