Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
