I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
