i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
