VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
