I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
