I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
