How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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