3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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