Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
