So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
