Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
