if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You are the jesus of drinking
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize