I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
