when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
