I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
