we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
