I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
