i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
