there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
