I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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