I can't watch pbs sober anymore
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
