my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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