I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
