You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
