you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
