Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
