The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
