No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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