I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
