are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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