Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
