my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Two words: blizzard sex
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
