just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
