Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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