I think my vagina is haunted
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
