If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
