the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize