You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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