I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
