yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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