My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
