If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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