I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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