i just google imaged poop.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize