weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
