Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
