Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
