What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
