Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
