I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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