Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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