The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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