At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
