you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
