OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
