Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
