Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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