and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
