lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
