She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
