You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
