Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
