Don't you send me to vm
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
